Category Archives: Dreams

A Hard Lesson in a Nightmare, and then a Locution

Last night, before I went to sleep, I considered whether some sins were, in fact, sins.  I asked this question in my prayers to God.  Of course, these were temptations, but I needed to ask the Lord Who knows everything.  I fell asleep without incident or response.

In my sleep, I had a terrible dream.  I was rebelliously barricaded in a place, and the officials  were coming to remove me from there.  I don’t know what the place was, but I do know that it was a place of rebellion.  One official was an elderly police officer dressed in European garb from the 1800’s, and there were several others.  There was another with me in this place also; I don’t know who – my guardian angel I think – an innocent person.  At some point, I decided to defend myself with a weapon, and I shot the elderly police officer in the chest.  The bullet seemed to flatten on the outside of his garment, but the indication was that I had killed him.

Not long after that, I realized what I had done, and I was ashamed and afraid.  The authorities came again, but this time without offensive fervor, but in peace, and I told them that I was guilty, then the authority smiled and said he would have to take me in, and I turned and he handcuffed me.  

In my mind, I worried about what they would do to me and how I would defend myself.  I realized that, at the time of the shooting, I was insane – I had lost all sense of reasoning.  I drew some comfort from this truth.  But I also realized that I had thrown my entire life away in one moment of stupidity – my WHOLE life.  This was a great burden on my soul to know this, and I became very sad; but, the justice of turning myself in, of realizing my fault and submitting to justice was a balm on my soul.

As the authority was driving me through the country to jail, I saw other horrors along the way, and a world which had become a victim of its own rebellion.  The destructive “machines” which man had created to destroy what had been built, like huge black mechanical crabs and scorpions, began to turn on their creators.  The result seemed merciless, and I was afraid.

When I woke up, I realized why I had the dream, and I prayed and told the Lord that I was sorry for questioning the reality of sin, which offends Him.

Shortly after that, I heard His voice in a way which I had never heard it before.  Some people hear the Lord speak as in a locution – inaudibly.  But this time, I heard His voice in my mind, audibly, and it was a softly-rumbling (like thunder) man’s voice, and He said, “I’m sorry.”  These words were intimate and comforting to hear.  

I can now say with complete confidence that when God’s voice was heard as a rumbling thunder in Sacred Scripture, it is absolutely true in the way it was described.  Have no doubt.

DREAM: LESSON TO STOP TRYING TO STEER THE HOLY SPIRIT

I dreamed last night that I was flying a kite, a kite which also was hoisting me along in the air from place to place.

The kite is changing into a dove!

The kite is changing into a dove!

I was trying to steer the kite when I noticed that it was not a kite at all.  It was a beautiful white dove!

The Dove of the Holy Spirit

The Dove of the Holy Spirit

Was I steering it or was it steering me around power lines and trees?  As we went along, it got lower and lower to the ground and the wind seemed to slow.  Eventually the dove rested on the ground and immediately became a beautiful young human being with golden hair with a white robe and reclining on the ground and smiling at me. And that was my dream.

Upon reflection this morning, I thought of the Holy Spirit.  While I know that the Holy Spirit is literally scripturally masculine, I could not tell whether the Person was male or female except that I can easily associate fairness and beauty with feminine traits.  I suppose that when we see God, the glorified Jesus face to face, we might see both masculine and feminine traits since the Body of Christ consists of all of the Faithful, both male and female, and we all find our wholeness in Jesus Christ.

The dream is important and relevant to my recent tribulations in determining my vocation in life.  Am I following God’s Will or am I subverting His Will through my own efforts to control the direction I am going?  But, truly, I feel directionless now – without passion for anything in particular other than stabilizing my life so that I can spend more time with God, e.g., going to daily Mass, and so on. But I am like a person on the wind which blows where it wills, and I do not know the direction in which it goes, and am I comfortable with such a disposition? 

It is like the Lord’s teaching:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.   That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.   Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born anew.’   The wind blows where it wills, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know whence it comes or whither it goes; so it is with every one who is born of the Spirit.” [Gospel of John 3:5-8, RSVCE]

“…so it is with every one who is born of the Spirit”

That last phrase caught my attention.  I am born of the Spirit in Baptism and my direction in life needs to be aligned with that of the Spirit whose direction it is not mine to grasp by my own will.  I need less me and more Him in my soul.  If I can just hang on in trust and let the Spirit carry me instead of me trying to steer the Spirit, all will be okay, will it not?

Let us listen to a great saint Doctor of the Church on this subject:

“Therefore must the soul be stripped of all things created, and of its own actions and abilities — namely, of its understanding, perception and feelings — so, that when all that is unlike God and unconformed to him is cast out, the soul may receive the likeness of God; and nothing will then remain in it that is not the will of God and it will thus be transformed in God.  Wherefore, although it is true that, as we have said, God is ever in the soul, giving it, its natural being, yet he does not always communicate supernatural being to it.  For this is communicated only by love and grace, which not all souls possess; and all those that possess it have it not in the same degree; for some have attained more degrees of love and others fewer .  Wherefore God communicates himself most to that soul who has progressed farthest in love; namely, that has its will in closest conformity with the will of God.  And the soul that has attained complete conformity and likeness of will is totally united and transformed in God supernaturally.”  [St. John of the Cross, Ascent of Mount Carmel, book 2, chapter 5, from the Navarre Bible Commentaries on John 3:3-8]

St. John of the Cross in contemplation of God.

St. John of the Cross in contemplation of God.

And so I need to humble myself – stop trying to steer God and let God steer me instead.  This requires me to open my heart and say “yes” more to the missions He sends my way, right?  And what are the missions?  You see?  I doubt because I am not sure what are the missions. Lord, open my heart and my mind to be receptive to your love and grace whenever and wherever you will that I may do your will and be joined to You and You to me in that close bond which is meant to be like a marriage according to your own design.  Help me to hear your voice and to follow You wherever you lead me.  Amen.

Childhood Awaits Us in Heaven

Children ad the Feet of Mother Mary

Children at the Feet of Mother Mary

A Trance about Heaven

In the Fall of 2008, I had a trance while sitting at table before the Crucifix in my dining room where I found myself in another place in Springtime playing joyfully with many other children, all of us around the age of 11 or 12.  I was holding hands with a girl who had blue eyes and red hair who was pulling me toward the other children, and my heart and theirs were full of ecstatic joy, a joy which was without blemish or worry, one which was based on complete faith.  We were all smiling and laughing ecstatically  – so very happy – it did not matter why – we just were.

Happy, happy, happy!

Happy, happy, happy!

I think this was Heaven, because it was a feeling which does not seem possible here, except for slight glimpses during early childhood perhaps.  But, it was of God because the Source of this joy was infinite and we felt it to its fullest potential, such that there was no worry or concern, but only love truly in our hearts for each other, such that we desired nothing more, because nothing more could possibly be greater than what we have.

And our Mother Mary is there, and I have imagined her in my prayers before as a loving Mother watching over us, her children, as we play games at her feet, and she smiles and laughs with us, encouraging us with her Motherly kindness.  How can this not be Heaven?

Desire To be Born of Mary

Jesus, born of the sinless flesh of Mary

Jesus, born of the sinless flesh of Mary

On 24 May 2009, I prayed that I might be born again, physically, through our Blessed Mother and be her child completely with a body from her body, free of original sin and stain of personal sin.  In this way, I would be like unto Jesus – compatible with Him in truth and pleasing to the Father and lovingly attached to my Mother as her child, and humble and faithful and charitable and pure.  [Not that I wanted equality with Jesus – no, but that I would be a true child free of sin and all that displeases the Lord our God, and follow my new Parents unreservedly and with complete trust.]

Sacred Scripture shows how the Lord favors little children.  Here are several verses which came to mind:

“Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.'” [Matthew, 19:13-14, RSVCE Holy Bible]

“‘Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter into it.’  And he took them [little children] in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands upon them.” [Mark 10:13-16, RSVCE Holy Bible]

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’  And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them, and said, ‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'” [Matthew, 18:1-4, RSVCE Holy Bible]

“‘Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.'” [Matthew 18:5-6, RSVCE Holy Bible]

Sacred Scripture also shows how the Lord invites us to be members of his family:

“Jesus answered, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.'” [John 3:5, RSVCE Holy Bible]

“When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold your son!’  Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold your mother!’  And from that hour, the disciple took her to his own home.  [John 19:26-27, RSVCE Holy Bible]

“But he said to them, ‘My mother and my brethren are those who hear the word of God and do it.'” [Luke 8:21 with ref. to Psalm 87:5-7,  RSVCE Holy Bible]

“Jesus said to her [Mary Magdalene], ‘Do not hold me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to my brethren and say to them, I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'” [John 20:17, RSVCE Holy Bible]

A Dream of the Intoxicating Love of God

800-Ezra Temple is Built

We have thought on thy steadfast love, O God,
in the midst of thy temple.
— Psalm 48:9, RSV

I dreamed last week that my wife and I had desired to go to a far off place – a very important place – to receive Holy Communion, the Blessed Sacrament. This reception would be very special however because the experience would be unique and tangible.In my dream, we were there on the steps leading up to the entrance waiting to go up. Father Terry was there as the very serious gatekeeper, only allowing certain people to enter in. He had a beard and a traditional Franciscan brown robe on…No smile – looking very diligent and serious in his service. We walked by him, and he did not concern himself with us.

We entered into what seemed to be an old stone temple, a dark hallway barely lit with candles. I was excited with anticipation of receiving the Lord!

We finally arrived at the head of the line where 3 persons were standing, but I could only see the beautiful young person standing in the center and holding the ciborium. I thought the person, because of the apparent youth (20’s), fair complexion, absence of facial hair, and thick, dark hair cropped flat about 3 inches above the shoulders, and thin frame, to be a young lady, but it was not Instituation of the Eucharistclear. The person wore what appeared to be a black, floor-length, silk-like robe or cassock with shiny, silver-like strips and adornments attached from the shoulders downward and from side to side across the chest as if sewn in. I could only see by candle-light.

The person held up a Host:  “The Body of Christ” is what I expected to hear.  I bowed down dramatically in accordance with the promptings of the Spirit and received the Precious Body and Blood of the Lord.

I immediately became intoxicated and refreshed.

I was given a large container of water to carry out with me.  The 3 persons helped me out , with my wife following closely.  I held the water up high above my head.  The water was important.

At the entrance of the temple, I looked to the young person carrying the ciborium.  I immediately knew the person to be royalty.  With all of my Spirit I said, “Thank you Princess!”  My wife immediately chastised me and said, “He is a man.”  She sensed the masculinity of this person; I sensed the femininity and all that is good there in this person.  We were both being complemented.

God complements humanity.  In the Son, all of humanity is unified.  From Adam came out the woman, Eve.  And so Adam and Eve became complements to each other.  Before Eve, Adam was not yet divided.

In the Son, Jesus Christ, He is whole — fully all — fully complementary to all of humanity.  This is a great mystery.  The Church, like Eve, came out of Him.  Yes.  That is it.  The Church was formed from that Blood and Water that gushed from His side.  Jesus is also fully complementary with His Bride, the Church.  This is not on account of His flesh alone, but on account of His divinity as well, and therefore, on account of who we will become at the Resurrection — like Him.

His Spirit constantly calls us to succumb to Him, that is, to be one with Him in true complementary fashion, in a way which we do not yet fully understand.  “Succumb to Me!” He insists.  “Marry Me!” He insists.  We are chosen; we must prepare for that day.  How must we prepare?  We ask and do not yet see fully the way.

Yet He nourishes us along the Way.  He helps us to become ready for Him, and so many deny His help — not being receptive!  He sends disciples to lead and to distribute life-giving Water to soften, wash, purify, so that we may receive True Nourishment, the Eucharist, which gives us True Life and makes us ready for Divine Marriage.

He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.   He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the first-born from the dead, that in everything he might be pre-eminent.  For in him all the fulness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.  [St. Paul, Letter to the Colossians, 1:17-20, RSV]

My Dream of the Lion of Judah

Then one of the elders said to me, “Weep not; lo, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered, so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals.” — The Book of Revelation, 5:5.

Paschal Lamb is Lion of Judah

The gentle Paschal Lamb is the Lion of Judah

I dreamed Saturday night, 31 October of that year, the night of the day that I took my comprehensive oral exam for my Master of Art (MA) degree in Theological Studies at Christendom College, that a large male lion approached me as I was walking with a friend.  I was afraid but stood my ground.

This lion then leapt up and hugged me affectionately.  I experienced peace and a knowledge of his love in this embrace.

Lion hugs Man

This dream reminded me of the Lion of Judah (our Lord, Jesus Christ) who, after many had lost hope, stood his ground and conquered and was found worthy to open the seven seals – against all odds – because with God, nothing will be impossible.

I, myself, in my unworthiness for this Degree, did not want to take the comprehensive written and oral exams, the successful completion of which was required for the award of the MA degree.  I feared failure.  I had considered forfeiting the Degree for certificates instead.  But, God gave me courage, and I chose to trust in God, and God has been my help and encouragement in the face of probable failure.  I passed!

We are all subject to tribulations and struggles.  We must trust in the Lord and persevere, even in fear of failure.

Thank You, Lord, for Your gracious help.  I called on You, and You heard my cry, and You helped me.  You saved me from destruction, and I am Yours, and You are mine forever.

Lord is Eucharist

I love You, and I praise You.  Amen.

A Dream of an Asian Majestic Highness and the Church

Last Saturday night, I had 3 dreams – the last one being the most special dream.Mary and Tower

THE FIRST DREAM – NEWLYWEDS

In the first dream, I was with my wife, and we were being a naturally-loving married couple.

THE SECOND DREAM – CALL TO ARMS

In my second dream, I was a soldier again, and I felt an intense anxiety as I was called to prepare to deploy for an unanticipated war. I actually felt a tearing anxiety in my body – a feeling of intense worry, mostly about being sure to take the right things with me. When I awoke, I calmed down and then I prayed and asked the Lord why I needed to feel such pain in my dream. And then I thought, “Perhaps I am taking on someone else’s burden – for their sake – for love of them.” I accepted this, and then I knew that the dream was good.  I felt I had somehow done a good deed.

THE THIRD DREAM – ASIAN MAJESTY, THE CHURCH

In the third dream, I was relaxed and with a few other men sitting at table in an enclosed room.  There were no walls but everything beyond the table was blackness – nothing. But, there was a square opening in the darkness through which light poured in from a bright blue, clean sky – the vision through the window was more real then the dream in which I was dreaming.  I glanced out through the window and saw a very tall white building – a huge and lofty tower, and behind the building was a white cloud.  I looked down and then up and out again and the cloud had become a beautifully-chiselled, smiling Face, like that of a beautiful Asian woman (because of the eyes and beautiful Face and Asian-styled attire).  But I am not sure if it was a woman or not.  The Face was beautiful – like perfect white marble – and finely detailed.  I called my companions at table to also look.  And they agreed with what I was seeing.  Then, a mist formed before my eyes along the length of that huge, tall white building, and an Enrobed Body began to form – from the Head all the way down to the base where I could see the Feet which were adorned in special shoes.  The Enrobed Majesty stood, a giant beautiful Column, like a Royal Highness in front of the towering Building. This Majestic Highness seemed to be coming from the Building or mysteriously  joined with the building but forming from a gently-appearing mist.

My first thought was that I was seeing this vision in a land like China because of the Face and clothing.  I do not yet know what to make of the dream except that perhaps I was seeing a spiritual vision of the Catholic Church in China or Mongolia.

The Majestic Highness could be like the pure spirit or pure soul of that Building, the Church, and the Church could be the People who are the spiritual building blocks of that great white Building.

The Majestic Highness could be like a Princess or a Daughter.

The Majestic Highness could also be like a companion to that Building.

But I did not know for sure.

But one thing I do know for sure:  the Majestic Highness is greater than the Building.

During Morning Prayer, Psalm 93 began with these words:

“The Lord is king, with majesty enrobed;
the Lord has robed himself with might,
he has girded himself with power.

The world you made firm, not to be moved;
your throne has stood firm from of old.
From all eternity, O Lord, you are.

The waters have lifted up, O Lord,
the waters have lifted up their voice,
the waters have lifted up their thunder.

Greater than the roar of mighty waters,
more glorious than the surgings of the sea,
the Lord is glorious on high.

Truly your decrees are to be trusted.
Holiness is fitting to your house,
O Lord, until the end of time.

This beautiful psalm reminded me of my dream, and confirmed to me that I may have had a dream from God about Himself and His relationship with the Church.  What do you think?