I’ve been wanting to share with you that I have been consoled these past Pandemic Sundays while watching the televised Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.
I envision the Lord Jesus standing between me and the TV inviting me to a communion of friendship. He has shoulder-length wavy and coarse golden brown hair, blue or translucent eyes, a golden brown beard, fair tan complexion, and he is wearing a liturgical robe, off-white with red straps running from each shoulder to a point near the bottom center of His chest, like a downward pointing triangle. He also seems relatively small in stature – a mature but young man. Today, there was an embrace and I was comforted by His soft, warm beard on my face and the secure hug like that of a father for a son or a brother for a brother.
Early in the morning, too, I pray sometimes, “Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.” I do this knowing my dependency on Him for everything – for our health, our safety and security. I usually have a couple of drinks before going to bed – and sometimes three – and I worry for my health because of that; I get dehydrated. And I pray to Him to give me more temperance that I may not somehow accidentally poison myself. I think I am a hypochondriac of sorts – very sensitive to any unusual feeling in my body, and this happens more as I age. And, so I pray to the Lord to help me with that.
Sometimes in prayer I hear, “Marry me” and that is a call which I do not yet fully understand. I think that I have blogged about it before. I figure that there is a love which the Father has for the Son, and a love which the Son has for each of us which is much stronger and longer lasting than Earthly, marital love. He has a father’s love in that He is like a shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep. He has a mother’s love in that He desires to pull us all under His wings like a hen does for its brood. But, this inaudible whisper, “Marry me” is a call to an even deeper level of intimacy – a call to exclusivity and purpose. I say, “Yes Lord, I will marry you, but how can this be?” There is no answer. I remember St. John, who calls himself the disciple whom Jesus loved, and I remember St. Peter who told Jesus three times that he loved Him, after Jesus directly prompted him three times. Of course, Jesus prompted St. Peter in order to heal him of his guilty conscience after rejecting Jesus three times. He will let me know when I need to know.
And so, He comes to console, heal, give hope, inspire wonder. Thank You, Lord.